Life is a journey, full of twists and unexpected turns. But when we submit our ways to the Lord, He “makes our paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:6)

One truth I can claim as I’ve battled cancer the past three and a half years, is that I’ve always sensed the Lord’s presence. No matter how challenging the procedure, surgery, recovery, infusion, or doctor visit, He has stayed true to His promise never to leave or forsake me.

But while I sensed the Lord’s presence, every time I received more bad news, something deep within me balked at the notion He would make everything right. Whenever someone on the radio or an inspirational speaker made the comment “God never lets us down,” I felt a tightening in my abdomen.

As hard as it was for me to admit to myself or others, I did feel let down. Originally diagnosed as a Stage II breast cancer patient in 2020, I went through three surgeries within a year and a full year of cancer treatments, Assured the cancer was gone, my doctors sent me on my way.


Within six months of completing my treatments, I found a swollen lymph node in my neck after helping my son clean up his yard after a windstorm blew through. I was exhausted. Too exhausted. A call to my oncologist had me up for a visit within the same day.

After examining me and hearing my story, the NP told us, “It’s probably a reactionary lymph node due to over exertion. It will likely go down in a couple of weeks.” Seeing my concern, he added. “Don’t worry. There’s very little chance it could be cancer.”

But the lymph node didn’t go down. I kept hoping and praying, but the more time that passed, the more concerned I became. About that time, I noticed a raised area in my chest about the size of a goose egg in length and width. I went to my PCP to have it checked. “I wouldn’t worry about that. I think you’ve awakened a muscle,” she told me. On one side?? I wasn’t convinced, but she was the doctor.


After three months with no real concern or answers, I finally got a doctor to take me seriously. A surgeon I was seeing on a separate issue. One look and feel of the lymph node heightened her concern. She quickly suggested a biopsy. I told her I had an appt. with my oncologist in a couple of weeks, should I just wait? “I wouldn’t,” came her somber reply.

I left the room stunned, knowing by her response it likely wasn’t good news. She ordered a biopsy and within a few days, I received a call from my oncologist no one wants to get. Especially a second time.

A PET scan showed cancer had spread to my bones and lymph nodes. Basically, it lit up like a Christmas tree. I was now a Stage IV cancer patient. My husband and I were stunned and heartbroken, trying desperately to process the grim news. (Read how we handled this in my post, Being Thankful in the Hard Places)

I didn’t understand. After all the precautionary surgeries, treatments, and “clear margins,” how could I wind up with Stage IV cancer in a matter of months? Not only had the medical world let me down, I felt let down by God too. So many prayers had been offered on my behalf. Why hadn’t He answered them?


After some prayer and soul searching, I finally came to the realization that, for whatever reason, I’m right where the Lord wants me to be. He doesn’t make mistakes. He calls the shots, not satan.

Remembering God is in control somehow gave me peace. Maybe He is going to somehow use this trial for His glory or to help and encourage others who are struggling or so He can display His power in a miraculous way. I pray so on all those counts. Whatever His reason for allowing me to be in this difficult place, I have to believe He has a purpose and a plan, I have joy in knowing that He does care and is still in control.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.” (Psalm 23:4)

If you’re walking a dark, difficult road, please know you are not alone. God is with you and has a plan for your life. If you’ve walked a difficult path and seen the Lord’s hand at work, I would love to hear your victory story!


Inspirational Historical Romance set during the Civil War era

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