Life is a journey, full of twists and unexpected turns. But when we submit our ways to the Lord, He “makes our paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:6) 

After three months with a white tongue and little taste, I recently visited my radiologist to see what might be done  Truthfully, I didn’t expect much help. More or less, I wanted to prove my dilemma after being told repeatedly “that isn’t an expected result of your radiation.”

As usual, I had to fill out a form which asks for basic questions of changes to my health since my last visit. I had several issues going on and at that point was very frustrated with my team of doctors. I hadn’t felt good in almost a month and was getting very few answers why.

So when I came to the part that asked how I was feeling: worried, anxious, hopeful, peaceful, etc., for the first time I hesitated. In the three and a half years since my original cancer diagnosis, every time I had ALWAYS marked: hopeful. But this time, my fingers just wouldn’t let me place an X by the word. I looked over the other options. None seemed to describe how I was feeling. Finally, I wrote in the word: tired.

I was tired of the fight. Tired of not tasting, of not even having an appetite. At this point, at 5’8″, I was barely tipping the scales above 113 lbs and looking and feeling unhealthy. I’d grown tired of doctor appts, unreturned phone calls and unanswered messages, I’d grown weary of anemia, pain, getting worn out doing the simplest of tasks.

I didn’t feel hopeful. I felt tired. Discouraged.


My sister steered me toward a book by a cancer “victim” with stage IV colon cancer, entitled Notes from the Valley. I promptly purchased it on-line and have been reading through it chapter by chapter. It is so encouraging just to know someone else can relate to the feelings I’m experiencing. I’ve laughed, nodded my head, and said more than once out loud “exactly”!

It’s sometimes unnerving not knowing if I’m going to live or die. If the Lord will ultimately bring healing or take me home to be with Him. But in reading through one of the chapters, I came to terms with the truth that being hopeful has nothing to do with how I’m feeling.

My hope is in Christ. Whether I live or die, my future rests secure in Him. What a blessed truth! And just the encouragement this girl needed!!

I’ve started a “thankful log”, daily writing down ten things I’m thankful for. Things as random as butterflies to shade on a hot day to the blessing of family. How grateful I am my “hope” doesn’t rest in my circumstances. My hope is in Jesus, the One who loves me and you beyond all measure. May that truth alone cause us to rise above the groanings of this life and cling to the treasure and hope we have in Him.

So the next time I come to the “how are you feeling?” on one of those medical forms am I going to mark “hopeful?” You betcha I am!!  And here’s why…

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18)

“We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” (Romans 8:22-25)

Is something stealing your hope? I pray you’ll be encouraged by these words and in what the Lord has reminded me — that my hope comes from Him and nothing in this world can dim that hope unless I let it.



Inspirational Historical Romance set during the Civil War era

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