It’s a terrible thing to lose your joy. And even worse to lose hope. But earlier this spring and summer, that’s where I found myself.
One week after receiving welcome news of “no new cancer spots” and radiation to my skull and pelvis looking successful, I began having extreme fatigue and, soon after, unexplained pain in my pelvis and a low-grade fever.
I thought, surely it can’t be related to cancer since I just had a CT scan that showed “good news”. But the fatigue, pain, and fever continued to worsen, to the point walking across our yard became a burden. Multiple visits to my PCP and attempts to contact my oncologist proved fruitless. My symptoms were passed off as merely side effects from radiation I’d had earlier in the year.
In the meantime, I grew worse and was living on Tylenol. Eventually, I wound up in the ER with a 101 fever, extreme fatigue and constant pain. I was checked for sepsis, among other things and was told I had bacterial bronchitis. Though I did have a bit of a congested cough, I was skeptical that could be the full problem. I was given fluids and sent home with an antibiotic.
Amazingly, though my fever and pain didn’t go away entirely, the antibiotic did help, But it didn’t last. Three days after stopping the antibiotic, my fever and pain started to worsen again.
Finally, I was able to get in to my oncologist. From my symptoms, she agreed something was going on, so ordered a full PET scan which told a far different tale than the CT scan I’d had six weeks earlier. The cancer had progressed throughout my body–from my skull to my femurs. Apparently my current Stage IV cancer medication I’d been taking had stopped working at some point and the CT scans hadn’t detected it.
Anemia, fatigue, pain, fever, severe night sweat, weight loss. You name it. I had it. I’d never been one to take naps, but at this point, I could do nothing but. I would wear out so easily and need to rest by mid-morning and again for a couple hours in the afternoon.
I was losing the joy of living and any hope for a future.
Then God…
Many were praying alongside my husband and me during this time of trial. The Lord heard our prayers and began to move–starting with my attitude. When I’d all but given up hope, He gently reminded me that no health problem or difficulty can steal my hope of salvation. I am His and He is mine regardless of how short or long I have on this earth. If I left this life, Heaven awaited me. What a glorious thought!
That truth began to light a flame of renewed hope in my heart. I clung to that hope and prayed for wisdom as my husband and I sought the next step.
After seeking three doctors’ opinions, I began iron infusions and a new chemo infusion treatment. On my own, I also made some nutritional and supplemental changes to try to boost my depleted body. Within weeks, I was noticing a difference. My pain had lessened. The night sweats and fever were all but gone. I could walk and do things I hadn’t been able to for months!
Though there were the typical chemo side effects to deal with, by the third week after treatment, I was able to enjoy life again. Better still, I began to sense the Lord was renewing my joy. Partly due to feeling better, but it was more than that. I’d rediscovered where my hope and joy lie–in my relationship with my Lord and Savior.
Though my circumstances haven’t changed. These treatments are known to help stay the cancer only 8-10 months (not very long), and my options afterward are few (mainly clinical trials), I have a peace in knowing the Lord is in control. I’ll be on this earth not a day longer or shorter than He deems best.
While we continue to pray for His healing hand to rid me of cancer permanently, I’m clinging to the hope and joy of each new day, knowing my life is in the palm of His capable hands.
**What brings you joy and hope in the midst of trial?
FAITH-FILLED FICTION
Inspirational Historical Romance set during the Civil War era
~Available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble
**Connect with Cynthia Roemer on Facebook, Goodreads Bookbub and Twitter.
I’m so glad you’re feeling better, mentally and physically. Continued prayers for you and for your husband. Music helps me get through my tough times. God has used certain songs to touch my heart, and it seems like I will hear them just when I need them most. I’ve also seen some things posted on Facebook lately that I really needed to hear. God uses my friends’ posts to encourage me when I’m down.
Thank you, Kim! We appreciate the prayers. Yes! The Lord seems to bring the right song at the right time so often to encourage our hearts and draw us to Him. So inspiring.
Cynthia, knowing that God never leaves nor forsaken me gives me hope. My daughter has been very ill with depression a d anxiety. She has not been able to work since January. It is so hard to find help foe mental health care. I keep praying for wisdom, guidance and healing.
Yes! God’s presence has been a promise I’ve clung to through all of this! I’m so sorry your daughter is going through this difficult place. May the Lord bring her renewed hope and joy. And may He give you the words and actions needed to be a help to her in healing her spirit. Thanks for sharing.
Cynthia –
I have continued to pray for you, your husband and family. It’s so very good to hear from you and your strong witness for God’s love and strength.
I just got home from 8 days in the hospital with bronchitis, bilateral pneumonia, COVID and severe asthma. As I lay talking to my heavenly Father, I was frequently reminded of your testimonies through your trials. I prayed for the Lord to instill His goodness, mercy and, most of all, a strong faith and hope such as yours. I actually felt God’s hand upon me as I suddenly could breathe again and felt the healing begin. You have been such an inspiration to me as you continually maintain your faith, hope and love for Jesus. Your amazing testimonies touch me deeply.
Much love in Christ –
Susan Murphy
Oh Susan! I’m so sorry for your illness, but so thankful the Lord brought you healing. I’m deeply touched by your kind words. It brings tears to my eyes knowing the Lord has used my testimony to touch your heart. That is my prayer and aim as I share the insights God is teaching me as I go through this journey. I pray He will continue to heal you and keep you in His care. Thanks so much for reaching out. It means more to me than words can say.
You have been and continue to be such a huge blessing to me. I know God put you in my life for a reason so I could draw closer to Him through testimonies of your faith and strength in your trials.
I am 77 years old, have health problems and wonder why God continues to leave me here. I am so ready to go Home. God uses you so masterfully to speak to all of us, inspiring hope and faith.
I thank God for you, Cynthia, as I pray for your healing.
God bless you, Susan. You are a blessing to me as well through your kind words. I’m so thankful the Lord is using my posts and hopefully my novels to bring you strength and courage to face each new day. We may never know or understand God’s plan for us, but He sees the whole picture while we see only a limited view. He must have a purpose for both of us or He would take us home. Thank you for reaching out today and blessing me with your words.
I will continue to pray for you!!! Your strong faith inspires me! Much love to you my dear friend.
I’m so grateful. Thank you, Michelle!! Hugs!
You are such a treasure and inspiration to me. We all need to realize that our hope is in the Lord.
I think what renews me when i am feeling down is the act of worship (singing) and also contact with my loved ones. Their smiles and the joy they display while going about their day to day are infectious. Continuing to pray for daily mercies for you, my friend.
Thanks so much, Jenny! You are such a great encouragement to me. I agree. Singing worship songs and surrounding ourselves with positive people does the heart a world of good. Thanks for sharing…and for your prayers!
You are always uplifting even going through all that you have been through. I know when I have been having a lot of pain I would sing out loud ….Peace peace wonderful peace coming down from the father above, sweep over my spirit forever I pray, with fathomless bellows of love. God is ever present with us. You have insured and you have run the race, God is truly near you!
God bends low to hear our prayers.
Amen. Thank you, Judi! You are always sweet balm for my soul. Worship songs always help draw us to the Father. And how He loves to hear us praise Him!
Continuing to pray for you. You bring hope and joy to many people. Thank you for shining the light and love of God.
Thank you so much, Melissa! You are so faithful to pray and comment with words of encouragement. I appreciate you so much.